When dating, the topic of employment will inevitably be touched upon - and that's a good thing. Whether it comes up in person or it's listed on a dating website, someone's chosen career can tell you an awful lot about that person, such as their inclinations, personal development, and key competencies. Pretty straightforward, right? Wrong. Sometimes people will list their careers as being things we've never heard of before. Strange things. I've been baffled in the past, and I'd be willing to bet that you have too. When in doubt, use the following guide to discover the true meaning of these career fields:
Job: Freelance Blogger
Description: A blogger is someone who publishes articles, treatises, rants, and diatribes on a non-news website - most usually somewhere deep within the bowels of the internet (See: this blog). What's a "freelance" blogger? That's short-hand for someone who is pretending that they 1.) get paid for it, and 2.) they are being sought out for their writing skills. They aren't.
Description: A blogger is someone who publishes articles, treatises, rants, and diatribes on a non-news website - most usually somewhere deep within the bowels of the internet (See: this blog). What's a "freelance" blogger? That's short-hand for someone who is pretending that they 1.) get paid for it, and 2.) they are being sought out for their writing skills. They aren't.
Translation: They're unemployed, but they have an opinion, dammit!
Job: Social Media Critic
Description: These people spend their time analyzing, warning us about, and railing against social media usage. They often disseminate these viewpoints...using social media.
Translation: They are either a well-known television pundit, or unemployed.
Job: Life Coach
Description: Ostensibly, a Life Coach is a person who encourages and advises their clients about matters pertaining to personal relationships and career trajectory. Interestingly, there are no standardized certification processes for - and no official registry of - Life Coaches anywhere on planet earth. Therefore, anyone can call themselves a Life Coach. Congratulations, you just paid someone without a real job to advise you about the future of yours.
Translation: Technically employed, but still a human leech with no scruples.
Job: Grassroots Activist
Description: An activist is someone who spends their time trying to vigorously defend or assail a political system, law, group, or ideology. Many times, such a vocation requires an overabundance of body hair, questionable hygiene habits, and the ability to chant mantras in the shrillest manner humanly possible.
A grassroots activist is someone who is too narcissistic to simply call themselves an activist. This, of course, is done with all of the requisite faux moral authority you've come to expect from such endeavors.
Description: An activist is someone who spends their time trying to vigorously defend or assail a political system, law, group, or ideology. Many times, such a vocation requires an overabundance of body hair, questionable hygiene habits, and the ability to chant mantras in the shrillest manner humanly possible.
A grassroots activist is someone who is too narcissistic to simply call themselves an activist. This, of course, is done with all of the requisite faux moral authority you've come to expect from such endeavors.
Translation: They're unemployed, and smelly.
Job: Community Organizer
Description: A community organizer is a virulent rabble-rouser whose main objective is to whip a subset of society into a religious fervor over perceived ills within the larger society. Often excellent orators, these agitators make constant references to "xenophobia", "social justice", "carbon footprint", "oppression", "truth-to-power", "imperialism", and "fear-mongering".
Translation: They're an unemployed Communist.
Description: A community organizer is a virulent rabble-rouser whose main objective is to whip a subset of society into a religious fervor over perceived ills within the larger society. Often excellent orators, these agitators make constant references to "xenophobia", "social justice", "carbon footprint", "oppression", "truth-to-power", "imperialism", and "fear-mongering".
Translation: They're an unemployed Communist.
WARNING!
Some people inflate the importance of their job by placing the English language in a literary choke hold. Consider the following:
Your Date: "I'm a culinary implement sanitization specialist."
Meaning: Dishwasher
Your Date: "I'm an undocumented pharmaceutical salesman focusing on underserved suburban communities."
Meaning: Small town drug dealer
Your Date: "I'm a property appropriator, specializing in precious metals and rare earth minerals."
Meaning: Jewel thief
Your Date: "I'm a field statistician and probability analyst in the gaming industry."
Meaning: Compulsive gambler
