Dating at 30+ : Part II

In the first installment I began to describe the types of women I've been finding on dating sites, specifically on Plenty of Fish. My experiences have cemented my belief that after the age of 30, you are pretty much shopping in the "scratch and dent" aisle of the Relationship Store, so to speak. At my age, everyone seems to come with baggage, myself included. It's just that some baggage seems to weigh more. Let's continue delving into more archetypes of maladjustment...

Group Five: The Artist

She's got a B.F.A. in Musical Theatre, a B.A. in Performance Art, and an A.S. in Interpretive Dance. She just might be the most longest educated person you've ever met. Hell, she might even be smokin' hot, but don't be fooled! If they made a Barbie based on her it would come with a certificate documenting her crushing student debt, patchouli oil to cover the stench of the stale marijuana clinging to her tie-dye shirt, and paperwork to apply for unemployment benefits. Unless you feel like subsidizing her career hobby, I would recommend giving this type of woman a wide berth.

Group Six: The Feminist

These women are often seen accumulating spittle in the corners of their mouths while screaming such things as, "Misogyny!", "Patriarchy!", and "All men are born rapists!" all while holding wildly colored, hand painted signs. You have a better chance of finding a full vial of virgin unicorn blood than you do meeting a friendly feminist. However, feminists do like some men. We know them as Beta Males. You might be one if you wear hipster glasses and blog about income inequality in Sierra Leone. Don't be a Beta. Leave the feminists alone.

Group Seven: Mistress of the Dark

She wears a pentagram, seems to be somewhat depressed, and where she doesn't have tattoos she has razor scars and cigarette burns. Much like in the animal kingdom, her colorful markings and dodgy eye movements serve as an evolutionary warning system to those around her. Danger! Do you really want to wake up in a pit in her basement? No? Then stay away.

Group Eight: The Ex-Factor

During conversations, she's the woman that responds to far too many of your statements with, "My ex...". Whatever it is that you might say, she will attempt to relate the subject matter at hand to one of her seemingly numerous ex-boyfriends. You like dogs? Ex. You had knee replacement surgery? Ex. You were the youngest recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize? Ex. I can be hard to tell if she hates him or is still obsessed with him - in a stalker-ish kind of way. It doesn't really matter because this is one of the clearest indications of someone being bat$%#@ crazy. It's a no-go.